youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
