But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
