yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
