After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
