so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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