What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
