I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
that may or may not have been my penis.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
