Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
