you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
