I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
