Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
