This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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