why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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