Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Randomize
