just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
