i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
