Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
