i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize