dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
