Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
A bitchslap is in order.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize