if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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