I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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