I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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