Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
