I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
