:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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