I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
