2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize