After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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