She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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