My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
