i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize