maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
