P.S. I can't hear my feet
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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