Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize