Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
