I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
