You're my little dorito
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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