You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
it's great music for shaving your balls
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
