So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
