Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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