Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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