So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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