I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
