Your tits are I can't wait for
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
even my farts smell like vagina
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
