she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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