maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
