i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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