you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
