Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
