How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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