I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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