i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
