So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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