You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
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