Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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