If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
