Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So much rum. So many feels.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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