I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm both gender and math confused
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
