SEEEEXXX PLEASE
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
