i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
