she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
