Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
