when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
