Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize