So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
