is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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