im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
