why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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